Is the EU Like a Zombie-hard to kill?

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I raised this issue in class and people thought I was joking. In fact the EU is very Zombie like-remorseless, dumb, apparently uncaring, slow (usually), and very very hard to kill off.

The analogy of Zombies is being used more and more when it comes to discussing EU policies.. is the Euro a dead but stilling living currency ..or Ireland or Greece’s economy…are they Zombie like ? (see..

In fact, most of the respected authorities  on Zombies (such as ) are emphatic that a head shot and complete destruction of the brain are required for a certifiable Zombie death.

Even a simple face shot leaves open the chance of a Zombie rebound. You can slow a Zombie down, but to truly kill it off is hard and messy. Blood splatter can infect the shooter.

Its much the same with using EU laws in domestic courts or on appeal to the ECJ in Luxembourg…by getting that close to inflict pain the back-splatter risk rises……European laws might come back to bite you……

What would be the equivalent of a head shot to the EU Zombie?

I suppose destroying the Commission…..but then the other institutions would just step in gladly…..and they have been sidelining the Commission for years now…and still it keeps lurching forwards…..Zombie like….

Certainly much of the leadership of the EU displays Zombie like features-cold unsympathetic figures who are grey, boring, and dull (And that is really saying something coming from an academic)

You can also reject a Zombie Treaty but it comes back again, and again. You get to vote on it again. And again. Irish people have voted on the EEC-EU in 1972, 1987, 1992, 1998, 2001, 2002, 2008, 2009.

That is a lot of Zombie. Another Treaty is coming. Fresh from the grave.

And if you don’t have a gun…your looking at some fairly grim options with axes, knives or metal grinders.  Once again splatter is your biggest problem there. That means you get infected and you become one of them…

Lesson: ”by trying to kill it off you get closer, and become one of them, and they multiply”. 

Voting no to the EU in a zombie Treaty will not kill it, or maybe even the Treaty in question, but actually make it stronger…..

This is perverse, no? Zombie like, yes!

That paradox pretty much sums up Britain’s experience of EU membership…they try to block stuff, slow down things and generally cause mischief but that just provokes the other EU Zombies (France and Germany) to keep momentum. And you get another Treaty…and another…..they just keep coming.

Apart from being hard to kill, Zombies are ugly, unresponsive, probably a bit smelly, and remorseless-they just keep doing what their doing. Which is a hunt for human brains.

Again this is so like the EU.

Its appeal is all to the head and not the heart. The EU’s appeal is based on the cold rationalism of the benefits of mutual trade, and the joys of the technical harmonization of legal measures. But the emotional appeal of nations is quite different-myths, heros, songs, tales of woe and injustice. And that is just the Irish. There are at least 27 nations (and a lot more) lurking within the EU. These nations are after our hearts not our brains.

The EU is just after your brains, not your emotional loyalty, sympathy or affection. In contrast Nation States want to be loved and loyally served. They make no rational economic sense.

Iceland ought to be  a research station for Canada or something, but no….they want to be a nation. Rationally, Ireland’s function in the global economy is just to be a wetter part of Boston with handy access to a huge European market. But the Irish emotionally think their a nation. Academics call this the ‘EU’s legitimacy deficit’,  but maybe just labeling it as Zombie behavior gets the same message across.

I think the conclusion of our little thought exercise is that it would be pretty hard to kill off the EU-much like a Zombie.

That is a half serious point because today some people worry the EU is about to collapse, or the Euro…or that both will happen and then of course conversely…..some people HOPE the EU and the Euro will actually keel over and die…..(but do these people watch Zombie movies….do they know how rare that is?).

Indeed the popular political fear of the EU today is very like the fear of Zombies…it is about  a fear of unstoppable momentum and a sense of a lack of control.….. what many voters perceive is this sense of an unstoppable steady momentum of the EU….that it is remorselessly slithering towards an unthinking full Zombie Federation…like a mass zombie attack but just negotiated Treaty by Treaty.

The EU is also doing a pretty good effort at killing itself off in the guise of a Eurozone crisis that its making much worse than it needs to be. Maybe it does not care because it knows Zombie like it can always bounce back?

The Eurozone also seems close to getting a headshot kill-whenever Greece or the Italians default. However, don’t worry that will just spawn Eurozone MK.2 minus a few countries, to produce a new EuroZombie?

And even if the entire Eurozone collapsed would that mean an end to the EU?

Perhaps as we know it today it would, but something of the Zombie EU core would remain-the free trade zone, the legal system, the core institutions. Some states might leave (like the UK)…but Zombies can lose major limbs and still keep going.

And if the entire EU had some kind of primal melt-down, a Berlin-Wall moment, then my guess is that some kind of common free trade zone in Europe would quickly re-emerge. There are loads of ready and waiting institutional players….the EFTA/EEA zone zombie is alive and well…. 

Zombies are nothing if not resourceful and they are plentiful …kill one off and another rises from the graveyard of European politics…….

Maybe the best thing to do is simply submit, and discover your own ‘inner EU Zombie’ within?

Brains for supper! Yum, Yum.


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